You Are Safe to Change

There’s a moment—right before transformation—where everything inside you screams to turn back.

It’s not logical.

It’s not because you don’t want to grow.

It’s because deep in your nervous system, in the places where fear is carved into muscle memory, change still feels like danger.

And maybe that’s because, once upon a time, it was.

For years, I lived inside a body that I couldn’t trust. A gut that wouldn’t move, a mind that ran in circles, a nervous system that was always teetering between fight and collapse. I tried everything. Diets, protocols, supplements—anything to feel better, safer, in control. But underneath all of it, there was a deeper truth I didn’t want to face.

I wasn’t just afraid of my gut not healing.

I was afraid of what healing would mean.

Because healing meant change.

And change felt like losing control.

And losing control… well, that had never ended well for me before.

The Fear of Letting Go

When you grow up in survival mode, you don’t get the luxury of exploration.

You don’t get to ask, “Who am I really?”

You don’t get to try on new versions of yourself just for the sake of discovery.

You don’t get to shift, expand, or shed old identities without fearing what might happen next.

Because when you’re a kid who learns to survive under someone else’s power—whether it’s a parent’s anger, a household full of instability, or even just a deep, quiet fear that you are not enough—change doesn’t feel like growth.

It feels like losing ground.

I didn’t realize it for a long time, but my gut, my trauma, my body’s refusal to let go—it was all part of the same survival loop.

🚫 If I let go of my old self, will I still be safe?

🚫 If I change, will the people around me reject me?

🚫 If I stop fighting, will everything I’ve built fall apart?

The nervous system doesn’t argue with logic.

It follows the patterns it learned in order to survive.

And for me, holding on—even to pain, even to dysfunction—felt safer than letting go.

The Light You Seek is Seeking You

There’s a lyric from a Jon Foreman song that’s been echoing in my mind lately:

“The light you seek is seeking you.”

(here is a link to listen to the song in its entirety - https://tinyurl.com/3s7rxwu7 )

For so long, I thought healing was about gripping tighter, working harder, trying to control every little detail.

But maybe healing isn’t about force.

Maybe it’s about letting go of the things I was never meant to carry in the first place.

Maybe change isn’t something to fear.

Maybe it’s something that’s been calling me all along.

Because the light I’ve been chasing—the peace, the ease, the sense of finally feeling at home inside my own body—hasn’t been running away from me.

It’s been waiting.

Waiting for me to stop gripping so tightly to the person I thought I had to be.

Waiting for me to trust that I am safe to change.

You Are Safe to Explore

Right now, I’m learning that who I was is not who I have to be.

I don’t have to be the person who is always anticipating disaster.

I don’t have to be the person who is waiting for my body to betray me.

I don’t have to be the person who hides behind old identities because I’m afraid of what happens if I let go.

I get to be who I am becoming.

I get to try things on, experiment, evolve.

I get to see myself through a lens of curiosity, not fear.

And so do you.

You are safe to explore.

You are safe to evolve.

You are safe to step into the unknown.

Because the light you seek?

It’s been seeking you all along.