Finding Strength in Surrender

In the last post, I shared how I reached a breaking point during a hospital stay, leading me to surrender control and embrace conventional therapies for healing.

When my time with the expert health practitioner came to an end, he gave me one final word. “You need to work on your emotional health,” he told me, and left it at that. “Well, thanks!” I said sarcastically and resentfully to myself, “what am I supposed to do with that?”

And I was on my own now. The next 8 months were somewhat stable, thanks to the high doses of steroids I was on, not realizing that I was suppressing my immune system down to next to nothing. During this time, while the pandemic raged on, my wife and I worked from home, tried to live a ‘normal’ life, but also living in constant fear and dread of what was going to happen next with this healing journey. More deconstruction. In the winter of 2020, I had finally tapered off the steroids, hoping for the best, and one day I noticed my right eye was itchy, and woke up the next day with a full-blown infection or so we thought. Come to find out, we had suppressed my immune system to the point where dormant viruses in my body were free to wreak havoc and soon we discovered this infection was actually shingles zoster, the shingles virus had infected my nose, my right eye, my entire right side of my face, and scalp. With the pandemic at full force, getting into the doctor or hospital was virtually impossible. We stayed at home caring for my eye and face until I could see an eye doctor. When I saw her she looked into my eye with her equipment, pulled back, and began to tell me how lucky I was that the virus had not damaged my vision, but had left a scar just outside my field of vision, and that I would have some blurriness while my eye continued to heal and recover. We thought this was the end of the deconstruction but it was only the start, God needed to take me deeper to dig out the fear, worry, and anxiety twisted around the very core of my soul.

 If you're struggling to surrender control or find meaning in your own healing journey, consider exploring practices like therapy or meditation to support your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Be well,

William Malcolm

IntuitiveWellnessNow